"Helping People With Problems To Live As
God Intended"
This counseling resource is built upon weaving
together the various scriptural themes and ideas which explain why
people act as they do. By understanding what causes people to tick,
it is possible for those who desire to serve God to reorder their
inner workings in order that they might live for God as He desires.
To complete the picture of what happens to those who insist on
pursuing ungodly ways of living, some principles of psychology have
been added which have been adapted from Dr. Larry Crabb's
Effective Biblical Counseling published by Zondervan in
1977.
This model is intended to cause you to reflect
upon the breadth of scriptural teaching regarding how to live life.
Hopefully, this model will make clear the simple truths which are
revealed in scripture that will lead toward genuine healing of deep
wounds. This model is intended to also make obvious the extreme
importance of believing and ingesting God's Word as an
antidote to the broken lives which are left in the wake of secular
thinking and the many forms of prevalent idolatry.
Many implications of this model are developed
throughout the articles contained in our Reading
Room. One of these articles is
"Who Are
You?" There is also an
adult class series of lessons built upon
this material.
Blue arrows
tie the model to a few of the supporting scriptures.

1. Here are a few of the implications which
this model suggests about the workings of human
life:
- What we believe creates our values
(desires), which in turn determine our behavior and
attitudes. In addition to the texts cited in the model along
these lines, consider also James 1:13-14; 4:1-4.
- The example of Eve. When God told Adam and
Eve about the danger of the forbidden fruit, Eve did not have
any desire to eat it. This can be seen in the fact that when
she informed the serpent about the fruit's deadly nature, she
revealed her aversion to it. However, when her beliefs changed,
her desire to sin was awakened and sinful behavior followed
suit.
- The example of Bill the hard worker.
- If Bill believes that things provide
security and that the path for obtaining things is hard
work, you can expect Bill to not only value working
hard and putting in extra hours but he will actually
strive to do this.
- On the other hand, if Bill believes that
what people think of him will determine whether or not he is
somebody and that it is desirable to be known as a hard
worker, you can expect Bill to both value working hard on
the job and being a hard worker for the purpose of
winning the approval and respect of others.
- One observation from this example is:
people can exhibit the same behavior for many different
reasons. But, I suggest that the ultimate source for
anyone's behavior will ultimately be rooted in either their
desire to "save self" through manipulating the created world
or their desire to serve the Creator.
- Questions for reflection:
- In regard to the behavior of infidelity,
did Joseph desire Potiphar's wife? (Genesis 39) Did David
desire Bathsheba? (2 Samuel 11) What caused Joseph to behave
differently than David? What did each of them believe? How
could David have prepared himself against
infidelity?
- If a person believes "you are what you
drive" or "you are what you wear," how will that person's
life differ from the life of the person who believes Jesus'
words, "your life does not consist in what you have." (Luke
12:15) How will Jesus' teachings affect their use of money?
What difference in purpose will be driving how each of them
uses money?
- What will a person desire and what will
his behavior be if he fully embraces the counsel of
Ecclesiastes that earthly pursuits are simply vanity
and a striving to catch the wind? What if someone rejects
this message? What paths might his life take? What will a
person desire and what will his behavior if he believes that
the whole duty of man is to fear God and keep his
commandments? (Ecclesiastes 12:13) Conversely, what might
the life of someone look like if he rejects this
teaching?
- We all have problems, we simply choose the
type of problems we want.
- Eve had the choice of two different types
of problems. She could choose the consequences of sinning
against God or not personally experiencing what the forbidden
fruit would do.
- Depending on his situation, Bill the hard
worker may have a choice between family problems because he is
never home or not having the extra money to buy everything he
wants.
- How people respond to Christ will create a
problem. Either people are choosing the problem of ridicule and
persecution because they serve Christ or the consequences of
death because of their sin.
- People initially develop emotional and
behavioral problems as a consequence of believing that their
well-being and self-worth are tied to something within this
world.
- What sort of problems might develop?
- Either a treadmill existence of
partial satisfaction (the so called well-adjusted
person) or despondency and despair will be the result
if someone succeeds in achieving the pinnacle of his
worldly based means to be somebody and be secure. Just think
about the list of people you know who achieved great fame,
celebrity status, etc. and thus who "had it all," but who
either could not endure living life any longer or they
waffle in and out of satisfaction and despair.
- On the other hand, when one's path
toward serving self through the means of this world is
blocked, anger, anxiety, and guilt are just
some of the emotions which can erupt. These emotions might
be directed at oneself, others or the situation. Such
emotional problems then often lead to creating various forms
of behavioral problems.
- Example of Eve. When one reads the Genesis
account of the serpent tempting Eve, the serpent essentially
said, this fruit (something created) can make you really
important so that you will be like God. It is only after Eve
began to believe that the fruit will make her "better" that she
desired the fruit and subsequently exhibited the sinful
behavior of breaking God's command. In this regard see also 1
John 2:15-17.
- Example of Bill the hard worker.
- It may be that Bill discovers that he
does not have the job skills, etc. necessary to earn what he
believes he needs in order to be somebody. As a result, Bill
will feel inferior and probably feel self-hatred, anger and
guilty for not being "better." With these destructive
feelings, various forms of destructive behavior can appear
as Bill tries to either "forget" that he is a nobody or
punish himself for not being better.
- On the other hand, it may be that Bill
is exceedingly successful at what he does. And for the most
part everything may seem to be going along fairly well as he
continues to climb the corporate ladder. With each new
advancement comes a new set of challenges to conquer. His
mind is continually preoccupied with managing his world to
be a success and perhaps he does not take much time to
reflect about life and the meaning of it all. But what
happens when he reaches the top and its time for reflection
since there are no more rungs to climb? He will either
attempt to convince himself that he is somebody and then
waffle between emptiness and satisfaction or he will come to
the realization that nothing of what he has done is truly
significant and that he has been striving to catch the wind.
Unless he finds some other basis for life, despair is
inevitable.
- Difficult situations and adversity can be very
threatening to those who build their lives upon the shifting sands
of reputation, acquiring goods, education, job skills, etc. By way
of contrast, Jesus taught that we should not even fear the person
who can kill our bodies (Luke 12:4; Matthew 10:28). This teaching
is suggestive and illustrative of the fundamental security and
well-being the disciple can enjoy regardless of the situation.
Even in this extreme situation, the disciple's being should not be
fundamentally threatened. Why? Because the anchor of a disciple's
hope, his self-worth and security is beyond the enemy's temporal
reach.
- Paul wrote that he had learned the secret
of being content in every situation. Philippians 4:11-13
Predictably, Paul's identity was wrapped up in being a servant
of Jesus Christ who empowered him to live for
Christ.
- The biblical key to solving many emotional and
behavioral problems requires a person to align his belief system
with God's Word. In other words, behavioral and emotional problems
can be prevented and resolved as much as is possible through
altering one's belief system.
- Example of Bill the hard worker. If Bill
comes to believe that what truly matters is serving God and
that God can and will take care of him, then his reasons for
feeling
angry and for perhaps even
exhibiting negative behavior toward those obstacles preventing
him from achieving worldly-centered goals have been eliminated.
Furthermore, the desire to serve God would create a positive
meaning and guiding direction for his life. He will still have
a solid work ethic. But now his motivation is to work as unto
the Lord because of who God has made him to be and not as a
means to become someone. If he has been voluntarily overworking
and neglecting his family or other priorities, this new
orientation in life will alter this behavior as well. And if
his ability to work might be threatened through old age or
health problems, there is no attack on his fundamental security
and self-worth because God remains the One who is taking care
of him and who gives him his identity. He will have experienced
freedom.
- Human life is fundamentally the struggle
between choosing
whether to serve God or to serve
idols. Idolatry leads to a great
many problems both now and later.
- Idolatry is in essence the attempt to use
the created world (or forces that are believed to control
creation) to make me somebody and make me secure. Thus, greed
is idolatry, Col. 3:5: Eph. 5:5. Why are people greedy? When
people believe that "having things" or acquiring a certain
position will make them somebody and therefore will take care
of them, the motivation driving life will be greed. In Luke
12:15 Jesus provides the scriptural antidote for this false
belief.
- The created world was never intended by God
to provide for our deepest needs of self-worth and security.
Idolatry involves believing that created things do hold promise
for taking care of my life.
- The biblical message is that the
promises of idolatry are empty and deceiving. They amount to
nothing more than broken cisterns. Jeremiah 2:11-13; Matthew
13:22; 1 Timothy 6:17
- Many people today seek to find meaning
in their life through their human relationships. While most
Bible believing people will recognize that God never
intended for us to depend upon money, some may not have
realized that God also never intended for us to depend upon
our relationship with our spouse in order to make our world
go round. Rather, God would have us gain meaning, identity
and security from our relationship with Him and then
we can be a blessing to our human relationships.
- Idolatry thrives even in secular societies
where people have denied the possibility of gods interacting
with this world. Since the secular person no longer
believes that an idol can provide for his life, he has
no desire to push an idol's button by sacrificing to it, etc.
However, the secular idolater is still devoted to pushing the
buttons of what he believes will take care of
him. This person will worship his education, social contacts,
finances, position, possessions, power, what people think of
me, etc. For these idols which he believes will take care of
him, he is willing to sacrifice time, money and
energy.
- Questions for pondering.
- Is there any evidence that at times
ancient Israel simultaneously worshiped both God and idols?
What did God think about this?
- If Israel did attempt to cover all of
her bases by worshiping both the Lord and idols, is it
possible for a Christian today to worship God in order to
receive salvation while also worshiping something in
creation as a means for taking care of himself now? Along
these lines you might want to consider 1
Corinthians 10.
- To serve God requires a person to die to
himself and to give up on trying to save his life through
something in the created order. For example, what others may think
of me, what I have, my position, etc. It is not possible to serve
both Self through the means of money and God.
- Whether one serves God or serves idolatry will
determine the motivation and the methods for how that person uses
his worldly resources. It is any surprise that Jesus often spoke
of the judgment in terms of what one had done? Each person is
either seeking to lay up treasure in heaven or trying to store up
treasure in his barns on earth.
- To truly help someone requires more than
providing some coping techniques. It requires a life reorientation
to align that person with the truth thus setting them free from
the prison of idols.
- It is possible that some might criticize
Jesus' conversation with the woman at the well (John 4) as
being insensitive to her needs. After all, she had experienced
multiple marriages which probably indicates she was fairly
heavily scarred. Furthermore, she was at the well in the hot
noon day sun perhaps indicating that she was trying to withdraw
socially from the other women. How did Jesus respond to her
pain? Did he empathize with her situation and tell her he
understood? No. Did he ask her what she thought was right or
what she thought would make her feel good? No. Jesus spoke her
language as he called her away from depending on created things
(physical water) to rely instead upon himself (living water).
Jesus sought to change her belief system to rely upon himself,
instead of creation!
2. How might a person use this
model?
Since many people appear to have difficulty in
making a direct connection between much of their daily decision
making and the emotions they are feeling with their efforts to serve
their master and the love of their life, therefore it would appear
that most people would not perceive the relevancy between quoting
scriptures regarding who God is and what it means to serve Him with
their daily behavior. To help a person arrive at the point where they
can begin to perceive the relevancy of scripture to their problems,
the decisions they are continually making and the direction their
life is going, it will probably be helpful to step them through a
process whereby they are enabled to realize where their behavior is
coming from and what their behavior is trying to achieve for
them.
You may want to reread John 4 to see how the
Master Teacher approached a wounded person to bring healing. (See
note above) Notice how the woman at the well tried to divert the
attention off of herself. Should we expect anything less of people
today?
Here are some suggestions which may be
helpful.
- Have the person identify the problem behavior
and/or emotions which he does not want. (The assumption being made
here is that the identified emotion and behavior will be something
foreign to the fruits of the Spirit and living by the
Spirit).
- Is the behavior trying to get around an
obstacle? Is the emotion a reaction to an obstacle which is
blocking the path to obtaining something which is valued? What
is the obstacle? What is this obstacle preventing the person
from achieving? What is the goal of the person? Why does this
person believe this goal is important?
- Are the behavior and emotions the result of
discovering emptiness in life?
- Using the model above, why is the person
experiencing this emotion?
- Are there a number of different
problems?
- Help the person to discover his belief system
and the goals he is pursuing which are leading him to feel and act
as he does. Chances are, this person is trying to save his life
through obtaining or controlling something which has been
created.
- What does he want?
- Why is this so important?
- What does he believe it would mean about
him if he can not achieve this goal?
- What is being valued? Why does he believe
it is valuable?
- When a person realizes the relationship
between his behavior and his master and how his behavior is
ultimately coming from his belief system, then the relevancy of
God's Word ought to be clear.
- Lovingly confront the person with scripture
about who God is, His promises to provide us with security and
an identity that is truly meaningful (i.e. being a child of
God).
- Lovingly confront the person with scripture
regarding the alternative way of living life and the emptiness
which comes from idolatry.
- Share the good news
of Jesus Christ and God's desire
that this person gives his life to the Lord.
Truly serving God requires each one to die to
himself that he might live for God. What is being described here is
true conversion to God, not a Christian veneer with God playing the
role of an eternal life insurance policy in someone's back pocket.
Not everyone has ears to hear. Not everyone will experience the
healing Jesus brings to broken lives when we serve Jesus as Lord. Not
everyone will enjoy a peace which passes understanding enabling them
to be content in whatever situation they may find themselves. Not
everyone will listen. But for those who are willing, God has provided
the way.
While this article describes the change of
allegiance required by the Gospel in conversion, it does not address
how the gospel
calls us to respond to Jesus that he might save
us. Biblical counseling will often involve
evangelism.
Just as Jesus cloaked his evangelistic message in the terms of
supplying the felt need (i.e. living water so that she would never be
thirsty again) so too evangelism will often need to initially present
the message in a manner which will be perceived to address the
problem at hand. For example, someone might need to present Jesus as
the Great Physician who heals broken lives. Truly man does not live
by bread alone (something created) but by every word which proceeds
out of the mouth of God.
Barry Newton, Copyright © 2000