Understanding and Controlling Anger
Recently Mt. Kilauea erupted again. As the lava descended, it destroyed everything in its path. People sometimes act like volcanos, they spew out burning words like deadly missiles in all directions, their violent behavior destroys everything about them, and others often flee from their presence for fear of what might happen next.
Although most people may visualize violent outbursts when they think about someone who is angry, anger can also express itself in other ways as well. An angry person might talk quietly, but he or she might release anger toward someone by trying to hurt that individual by "accidentally" break something of value or spreading gossip. Anger comes in many packages.
Can Anger be Controlled?
Some people assume that anger is simply a personality trait that can't be changed. Over the years I've heard people claim, "that's just the way I am. You'll have to accept me this way." They might believe that they can't change, but the New Testament teaches otherwise. It describes anger and fits of rage as something that a disciple of Christ should cast off. Ephesians 4:31, Colossians 3:8 How can someone overcome anger? Understanding what causes anger can assist in controlling it.
Why Do People Become Angry?
Typically, people become angry when something which they place value upon has been adversely affected. There are many different possible scenarios that can lead to an explosive outburst, but they all have one thing in common. Something which someone considered to be important was significantly hurt, threatened or blocked. Anger is love related. People get angry over something they love.
Most of our values (if not all of them), are ultimately rooted in how I derive my personal security and self-worth. In other words, people love what takes care of them and makes them somebody. All values which someone holds arise out of a personal belief system. In turn, these values and their associated desires lead us to behave in particular ways and exhibit various attitudes.
Consider road rage. If someone believes that being late to work will affect his reputation and if he also believes that his reputation contributes to his identity and security, then being stuck in slow traffic becomes personally threatening. Compound this with other beliefs such as: "I left on time. I should be further down the road, but this traffic is holding me up" and the cocktail for becoming explosive at the obstacles to his well-being have greatly increased. Or perhaps a person might believe, "I should be able to drive down the road without someone putting my vehicle (and me) in danger by how he (or she) drives." If another driver then weaves and threatens his safety, it may be that he will try to "teach him a lesson" by "showing him what it feels like." The predictable result is an escalating situation of anger and rage.
If a young child tears a piece of scrap paper, most parents won't get angry. They don't value a piece of paper. But if that same child destroys an heirloom or some other object which is typically highly valued, some parents immediately burst into anger because of the value they place upon that object. The greater the value, the greater the anger. The more that the parents might perceive something of their identity or security being destroyed, the more likely it is that they will explode.
Did Jesus ever get angry? Did he care about anything deeply? Because Jesus cared deeply about his Father's house, he made a whip and drove out the money changers. The reason for his anger was "zeal for your house has consumed me." John 2:17 People get angry when what is important to them is destroyed, mistreated, abused or their access to it is blocked.
Because many people value many different things, people get angry for many different reasons. Some of the reasons why people blow their top is because they place great value on:
Why do people place such a high value on these items? As already suggested, it often seems that they derive their identity and security based on these elements of the created world. People get angry when their self-worth and security are threatened or when an obstacle lies in their path toward becoming more secure and "somebody."
Whenever a person's sense of well-being is built upon this world, that individual is a prisoner of situation and circumstances. As long as that person maintains this worldly belief system which fuels a worldly value system, the predictable result is a worldly behavioral system.
Good and Bad Anger?
Since God is described as being slow to anger but nonetheless capable of being angry to the point of wrath (Exodus 34:6; Numbers 11:1; Romans 1:18), therefore when the Bible speaks of casting off anger, it is not advocating that we should be passionless. As we have already seen, even Jesus who is our model became angry. Rather, it is calling us to put away fleshly anger, anger which stems from embracing worldly values and concerns. In Galatians 5:19, 20 Paul puts it this way, "The acts of the flesh are obvious: ... fits of rage." James' words make it even clearer, "You must understand this, my beloved: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; for your anger does not produce God's righteousness. James 1:19-20 Here then is a key. Anger driven by fleshly values and worldly beliefs does not produce God's righteousness.
How Can I Control My Anger?
1. Identify Your Beliefs and Values.
The first step is to gain at least some understanding at why you are getting angry. If you become angry in traffic, or when your children interrupt you or when a customer gives you a difficult time or when things do not go your way, ask the following type of questions to identify the source of your anger.
"What do I believe should have happened? Why?""What does it mean if this 'bad thing' happens to me?" (Am I less important? Less secure? etc.)
"Why is this situation so important to me?"
"What do I believe my rights are in that situation?"
"As a ____ (husband, parent, employer, etc.), what responses should I be able to expect from other people?
"What role or privileges should be mine?"
2. Replace Worldly Beliefs and Value Systems with Godly Beliefs and Values.
This will require listening to God's Word and accepting its teachings as being true. It is one thing to simply read God's Word. It is quite another to embrace that message in one's heart as being the truth about the way that things really are. Consider the list of verses below and how they might affect one's value system if they are seriously taken to heart.
As a disciple learns to value what God values, human anger is cast off. Human anger results from placing too much value on something temporal. Because I can and do choose what I am going to regard as being true and valuable to me, anger is actually a choice, not something which must dominate me. A person's behavior (e.g. anger) will reflect what the inner person values.
What sort of biblical teachings will help one deal with anger? Those teachings which will be of the most help are going to be those which address the specific beliefs a person holds which empowers his anger. Here is a brief sampling of the type of teachings on a wide range of topics which may address the source problem of someone's anger:
Such teachings confront the "normal" way of living life forcing us to make a decision about whether we will cross over the fence to join Jesus' way, or whether we will continue to insist upon our own fleshly centered lifestyle with its beliefs.
Did you notice that these verses directly speak about the sources of what makes you secure and somebody? Have you noticed that people love and are devoted to what they think will take care of them? (e.g. Money, Education, Health, Reputation, Relationships, etc.) Our behavior manifests what we are devoted to, what we serve, what we love. And what we love the most is a direct reflection of what or who we believe can provide and take care of us. The impact of taking Jesus' words to heart in Matthew 6:19-34 upon fleshly anger should be obvious.
3. Prepare Yourself for Expected Problem Situations
If you know that at the golf course you are likely to explode when the golf ball goes awry, or if you know that the morning commute is likely to set you off, or that a particular person seems to have a knack for causing you to exude rage, then you can prepare yourself for these situations. Armed with both an understanding of the beliefs and values fueling inappropriate anger as well as the beliefs and values which need to be adopted, a person is ready for the next step.
By repeatedly preparing oneself mentally for the situation, this has the same effect as athletic training. When the time comes, the training will have better prepared you to respond deliberately and in a focused and appropriate manner. Each success or even partial success can provide steps toward growing into achieving the goal of living as God would have us.
Closing Thoughts
Other Articles Which May Be of Interest:
Where's the Treasure? (Issues of the heart)
Prisoners Of An Unseen Force (On Our Beliefs)
Judging My Use of His Tool (Communication)
Jesus, I Just Want A Happiness Pill Please
Copyright © 2001 Barry Newton (Revised Version 2003)