I suspect at one time or another we have all been tempted to think: "they do not deserve my time," "she does not deserve my forgiveness," "he does not deserve the effort," or "they do not deserve another chance." Perhaps people are undeserving, if we judge their worthiness based upon how they treat us. If how we act toward others is determined by how we judge their worthiness, it can be hard to forgive or love.
Such an approach to life contributes to a recipe for disaster when it is combined with the general observation that people tend to view themselves in a more positive light than others see them./1 What do these ingredients produce? It suggests not only will people see themselves as performing more good than others will give them credit for doing, but there may be a tendency to view themselves as giving more toward a relationship or a group than what they understand they are receiving in return.
To measure out service, forgiveness or love based upon what someone perceives he is receiving can easily lead to an "it's-all-about-me" approach of living which tends to focus upon a circle of activities and friends that often will grow smaller. Why? IF a person evaluates his relationships based upon what he is getting out of it and if he perceives himself to be putting more into it than what is being received, why make the effort? Accordingly, one predictable result can be a fundamental dissatisfaction and resentment with others that contributes toward his own bitterness and either an ever narrowing of his service or an abandonment of the relationship.
When Jesus said, "even the pagans greet those who greet them," he acknowledged just how common it is for people to gauge their response upon their perceptions of how others are treating them. Are we not extremely fortunate that God has not treated us in this way? While we were still reeking from the stench of truly being undeserving, God loved us by sending His Son to endure the nails pushing through his flesh and to be lifted up on the cross in humiliation and under a curse to become our guilt offering. As sinners, we did not deserve this much love ... we did not deserve any of God's love, but He loved us anyway.
To those who desire to follow Jesus, the Lord in essence taught, I want you to do something greater toward others than the common "if you will contribute your 50% (or 100%) toward this relationship, I'll give my 50% (or 100%)." God calls His people to love others, not based upon how others treat them, but based upon His model of loving the undeserving. For those who become His, God forges a new identity and purpose which is to be shaped by this type of love./2 God's people are not to limit their acts of loving service to those who deserve it.
Praise God that He responded to our needs based upon His love and mercy and not upon whether we deserved it! May we continue to learn to give, to sacrifice our time and resources, to forgive and to show love to others in the same manner as how He first loved us.
Barry Newton, Copyright © 2004
Other Articles Which Might Be of Interest:
Character Driven, Not Jungle DrivenShe Must Make the First Move" - When Everybody is Right, But Relationships Are Still Broken
The World and Me (A Disciple's Purpose and Function in the World)